28 Jun Self love for my restlessness
My thoughts are all over the place. My leg is throbbing. For just one moment I can focus on my work, but then a second later this focus is lost.
At this point, my focus is in places that don’t help me at all in achieving what I need to do right now. I feel a lot of frustrations. A class in kindergarten would have even more focus than me at this moment.
I decided to take a break. To not force myself into anything but instead think about this frustration. There are more sides to this story, and I can feel it!
In one way this frustration is directed at myself because I want to continue with what I am doing. I want to get back into that workflow.
On the other side, this frustration is also pointed at my current situation. I am forcing myself to do something, but my mind has different thoughts. My focus wants to move into a different direction and fulfil another need.
That frustration that I am feeling right now is also part of the tasks that I need to do which don’t allow me to focus on my REAL needs.
This is creating restless energy that I can feel flowing throughout my whole body. It knows where to go, but I won’t allow this energy to flow into that direction. I am therefore not allowing this energy to come to peace. I am forcing it to go in another direction and that is not the purpose of this energy.
These are the moments when we must act together. Sometimes we succeed and get back into this fantastic workflow. However, at times this can also cause a constant battle that takes up a lot of our precious energy.
Conflict within ourselves so to say.
I used to battle with myself in the past a lot because I was associating this resistance with laziness and I was ignoring this feeling. How I used to cope with this, the situation was just too simple to brush it off and believe that it was something that needed to be disciplined.
From experience, I have come to believe that this resistance is the subconsciousness that is telling us there is a bigger need that we need to fulfil. Which we are currently ignoring.
Keep in mind that this need is very important. To pay attention to this need is not submitting to your laziness. It rather is love for yourself and knowing you as a person.
This need should not be ignored. It will constantly scream for attention. The way we respond to this situation is crucial:
1. In a destructive way, you will do something about these needs, so the lack of this need becomes less.
2. You look for a fast way to heal this wound, but in the meantime, it continues to bleed.
In other words. Will you consume or will you work on the love for yourself?
Nowadays I take a break when I feel restless and strong resistance. I ask myself the following questions. Where does this resistance come from? What would I rather do instead of what I am currently working on? Which need would I fulfil? In which constructive way can I work on fulfilling this need?
Instead of creating a conflict with myself and feel frustrated, I am now in a position of potential growth and loving myself.
What is your association with restlessness? Is it not being able to focus?
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